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Sad Grrrls Club

Misery Kink

from by Rachel Maria Cox

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lyrics

This room is full of people that I’ve kissed / and a few who I still want to, but it’s only you I miss / because you don’t look at me like there’s nothing left to see / and you seem happy when you wake up next to me / So when you told me that you don’t believe in love / I guess I thought I’d never get to tell you “you make me feel like enough”/ so what I said instead was “I love everyone” / What I failed to mention was it’s you the most because the words hid under my tongue / And I’m choking on them to this day / but you know and I know that I’m just a slut for pain / and I dwell on what you said / but you know and I know that I’m just a slut for pain / I still get so terrified / but I still search for her name because it makes me feel alive / Sometimes I get paralysed / but you’re always there for me, except for when you don’t reply / And there’s no one else to blame but me / You know I knew what I was in for, I swear, I just thought you were pretty / Now I’m thinking about moving constantly / I’m a shark who can’t stop swimming and I’m gripped by anxiety / that I mostly keep at bay / but sometimes I let go; I’m a slut for pain / I’m still hiding from the shame / under the weight of words that I’m too afraid to say / Maybe one day I won’t be so scared to see her face / Maybe one day I’ll believe that it’s okay to take up space / Maybe one day we won’t wait / But if I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been, why am I still hanging on to this state? / So maybe he was right all along / that we should all just stop fucking each other and stop writing about it in songs / but if I left this place behind / I’d just start again in a different city with my past not far behind / because my history won’t go away / but that’s fine because I’ll always be a slut for pain / Just promise me you’ll stay / Even the words I’m searching for are too far away.

credits

from Untidy Lines, released August 1, 2017

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Rachel Maria Cox Newcastle, Australia

Western Sydney via Newcastle sadcore.

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