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Sad Grrrls Club

Emotionally Untidy

from by Rachel Maria Cox

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My heart doesn’t beat so well anymore / The doctors say it’s electrolytes or not sleeping until four / and all my friends say it could be the energy drinks too / but that gripping in my chest just feels like you / My heart doesn’t beat so well these days / and I know I should quit my vices but I’m just stuck in my ways / I don’t have the willpower to ask you stay / but my cardiac arrhythmia might help you syncopate / That leaves me lying on this bed where your touch lit up my skin / with another person’s head on the pillow beside me / and that guy who wrote that song about me has started drunk texting / It’s not that messy, just EMOTIONALLY UNTIDY / Well my head runs around in circles these days / because it’s not sex, it has always been the love that I crave / I’m still trying to find the words to pin down people to a page / as though articulation might make them stay / but I’ve never been a writer, or at least not very well / They always told me I should show when all I want to do is tell / the story that’s the same every time: you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine / I think you’re just my type / Well you leant me those books that say more about you than I could ever know / I went to read the second one and thought you’d left me a note / but it was just the form your ex-girlfriend signed when she moved out / alone.


from Untidy Lines, released August 1, 2017



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Rachel Maria Cox Newcastle, Australia

Western Sydney via Newcastle sadcore.

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