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I Just Have A Lot Of Feelings

by Rachel Maria Cox

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credits

released July 28, 2016

Recorded by Oliver Young at Sawtooth Studios, Newcastle.
Additional recording by Rachel Maria Cox in their garage.
Mixed by Oliver Young.
Mastered by Michael Sale.

All music & lyrics written by Rachel Maria Cox

Vocals, Synth Bass, Keys - Rachel Maria Cox
Lead Guitar - Brayden Porter
Rhythm Guitar - Jack Lundie
Drums - Oliver Young

Album art by Rachel Maria Cox.

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Rachel Maria Cox Newcastle, Australia

Western Sydney via Newcastle sadcore.

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Track Name: A Phone I Can't Use
I wish I could record our conversations so these songs would write themselves / Instead I cut them up like animations and try to rearrange the cells / I wish I never wrote that song, it always felt like trying too hard / So when you said it was the only one you knew, I wished I'd fucked you in the dark / Now how would you feel if I told you the truth about it all / That you're the only one I accidentally call / I always love the ones who treat me badly, always hurt the ones who treat me well / So when you told me you were flaky, well I think that's when I fell / The only people on the road this time of night are the bin men and the taxi drivers / But the glow of my phone will be my light, I'm grateful for our text all nighters / Now I'm staying up staring at A PHONE I CAN'T USE through bloodshot eyes / I'm still waiting for you to reply / Lately my eyes don't seem to focus, my legs keep falling asleep / I keep thinking my hands have turned into spiders and my heart skips another beat / I'm not sure if you were talking about my weight or my personality when you said there was not much to me / Oh but darling I'm done with the formalities, why don't you come over and see right through me / Cause I would scoop the marrow from my bones with a silver spoon / Just to have a little company in this room / Is that too soon?
Track Name: Seagulls
You said I was jittery / Well it's always been a mystery to me / Why I still get so shaky / Well I think you've got me wrong / But I think you've got me right / And I'm sorry about that song / And I'm sorry about that night / Well it's such a small town / Yeah it's such a small town / I guess I'll see you around / I'll be anxiously scanning the crowd / I hadn't seen him in three years / He said that nothing had really changed / He drank a whole bottle of gin / But I was sober and it felt strange / We both put marks upon our skin / We both made fucked up choices and lived in sin / We both fell in love with giving in / I'm surprised I haven't seen you around / But I don't hang with that crowd / He said he'd been banned from trying to fix me / I said I don't need to be fixed / He said you know you're a worry / A group of SEAGULLS is called a wreck / So that's why we live by the sea / But I've found my flock, this is where I need to be / In this small town / How are we gonna keep this secret from coming out?
Track Name: Weighty
My head made me into a monster / But you'd make me into as saint / I don't know what it is / What I'm after / I'm just sitting here lying in wait / And you said disregard their perceptions / It's my own that I struggle to bear / Because guilt can weigh more than dimensions / And I don't think it's going anywhere / It's so heavy, I'm so weak / I'm so heavy, I'm so weak / Well I need you here now more than ever / So of course you keep running away / I'm not looking for any more answers / I'm just looking for someone who'll stay / I didn't miss you for two years / Now I miss you every day / But you disappear like your cigarette smoke and the taste of your kiss is all that remains / It's so heavy, I'm so weak / I'm so heavy, you're so weak / But we are more than just our anatomy / More than just our insecurities / We are more than the sum of our parts put together / We are WEIGHTY and waiting and I am still learning to speak
Track Name: Zips, Netflix & Dinner For Six
I wish my body had a zip / So when it gets hot I can step on out of it / And it would say "RMC I'm done with your shit / You never treated me like I deserve to be" / I wish my brain had an off switch / So when my bathroom floods I wouldn't hear "you're a stupid bitch / you know it's your own fault you've been eating for six" / Yeah it's my fault I'm eating for six / When I say I'm feeling lonely what I mean is I'm so scared / That if my body had a zip then it would leave and I'd never see it again / I can't take another break up right now / I'm running out of Netflix shows to distract me from this empty house / I wish that you were here with me / We could watch Making A Murderer and you could hold me / Tell me again how I'm looking healthy / Tell me again how you think I'm pretty / I wish you knew what it was like / Feel my flesh is overflowing but so empty on the inside / I never learned to say goodbye / I'm running out of shit rom coms to remind me of the fact that I'll die alone in this empty house
Track Name: Breaking Up (Digital Bonus Track)
You were in the corner / I was on the stage / The weather keeps getting warmer / But I still keep getting the shakes / And your friends were in the front row / Which somehow made it alright / But you went out for a smoko / Then back to the bar / Then back to the corner / The rest of the night / And the bands are BREAKING UP / But that doesn't mean it's the end for us / You might be BREAKING UP / But I promise one day you'll feel like enough / We were in the corner / You were on your phone / Well I'm not standing in the back row anymore / But I've still got a long way to go / And he wrote the monologue in your head / Better than either of us could have said / It's amazing how often that happens with Melbourne friends / And I'd miss Australia too / If this was the way it always went / I went back to my couch / My best mate of sixteen years in my bed / And I thought about you in your house / Well at least you've got your dog and your interstate friends / And I know that I'm crying / I'm honestly fine / It's just been a long time / Yeah it's been quite a while since I haven't wanted a day to end / Well I'll be in the corner / If you need me I'll wait for you / Until the misery ends